Married lives said to parallel the Paschal Mystery

By Blake Sittler

SASKATOON — A couple who have been involved in marriage ministry for some 32 years reflected on the Paschal Mystery in marriage in a recent presentation to an audience of 350 at a national marriage conference in Saskatoon.

Kathy and Neil Heskin of Illinois connected marriage to the Paschal Mystery as experienced in the days before the resurrection.

Holy Thursday asks the couple, “What does it mean to wash one another’s feet?” Good Friday asks, “How do we prepare for the difficult times that will come to us?” Holy Saturday asks, “How do we hold each other when our hearts are breaking?”

It may be easy for couples to stand beside each other in the good times, but the challenge of love is whether or not they can stand beside each other in the difficult times — beneath the cross of each other’s imperfections.

“Abundant love does not put conditions on the other,” said Neil. “It’s not the kind of love that we see on TV, but it is the kind of love that transforms us.”

The story of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus “is the story that binds us together as the People of God,” said Neil. “Our married lives parallel the Paschal Mystery of Jesus. Couples are called to be faithful to the pain and darkness and to believe in the possibility of joy.”

We have to be faithful through the dry times and accept each other where we are while still helping them to grow, said Kathy. “When we choose to live the Paschal Mystery, we witness how much God loves humankind. God is nuts about us. Our passion for each other needs to reflect that.”

The couple connected the love that drew Jesus to the cross to the love that needs to exist in strong marriages.

“Love invites us to be there for one another, which is another way to say that love calls us to die for each other,” said Neil. “This is how we work out our salvation together.”

“An insight for Easter is that forgiveness is always possible,” Kathy added. “Neil and I ‘Easter’ each other when we reach back into our lives and heal the things that hurt us growing up.”

Kathy teaches theology and pastoral ministry at Dominican University in River Forest, Ill., where she directs a bachelor’s degree in pastoral ministry and a master’s degree in family ministry. Neil is the business manager for Ascension Parish in Oak Park, Ill.