MOVIE REVIEWS

The Back-Up Plan

By Joseph McAleer

Catholic News Service

NEW YORK (CNS) -- The Back-Up Plan (CBS Films) is a dull and predictable romantic comedy that is neither very romantic nor comedic. It suffers from two fatal flaws: There's not a drop of chemistry between its two magnificent-looking leads and, far more significantly, it takes a warped moral view of what it means to have a baby.

The film opens with Zoe (Jennifer Lopez), a pet store owner, at the fertility clinic, her shapely legs in the air, as the doctor (Robert Klein) inseminates her with sample CRM1014 -- "a redhead." "Together we will make a beautiful baby," he intones, as Zoe gazes toward heaven, praying her dream will come true. This is her personal "back-up plan." "I could not find 'the one,'" she says. "I want a family."

Zoe gets her wish -- she conceives twins -- and positively blossoms, joining the "Single Mothers and Proud" support group ("We wanted a child and we made it happen on our own," the group leader declares). She's thrilled to be pregnant and happy on her own, until Stan (Alex O'Loughlin), a cheese maker, gets in her way. Zoe falls hard, and she and Stan have rough sex amid racks of ripening goat cheese before she comes clean and reveals her condition. Stan freaks out, and the rest of the film alternates between Zoe and Stan pledging their undying love and commitment to each other and to her unborn twins, and the pair determining to go their separate ways.

Certainly their friends are no help. Mothers in this film openly "hate" their bratty kids and mourn the loss of their once-toned bodies. A father sums up children in this way: "Kids are awful, but then something incredible happens, but then they're awful again." Single mothers, having sworn off men, give birth underwater in an inflatable pool amid pagan drumbeats and chants (the birth scene is not for the squeamish).

In extolling the virtues of artificial insemination and deliberately chosen single parenthood, "The Back-Up Plan" stands in direct contradiction to Catholic moral doctrine. Given the shambles that is Zoe's life, it's not hard to see why the church teaches what it does. Zoe wants her baby at any cost, but once she meets Mr. Right, the pregnancy gets in the way (literally). These are not Stan's kids, which is why he rebels.

Such are the consequences when a child is conceived outside the bond of marital love, when the unitive and procreative purposes of God-given human sexuality are separated, and when the reciprocal self-giving of spouses for the transmission of life gives way to expediency.
To quote the Vatican's 1987 instruction "Donum Vitae" ("The Gift of Life"): "The child is not an object to which one has a right, nor can he be considered as an object of ownership; rather, a child is a gift, 'the supreme gift,' and the most gratuitous gift of marriage, and is a living testimony of the mutual giving of his parents."

"I wanted a baby and thought I had to go it alone," Zoe muses as she surveys the wreckage. The lesson here is: She didn't have to, and shouldn't have -- in spite of the film's "happy" ending.

Directed by Alan Poul in his feature film debut, "The Back-Up Plan" is also an in-your-face comedy that resorts too often to poop jokes and vulgarity for laughs.

The film contains a morally skewed treatment of human sexuality, graphic premarital sexual activity, rear and partial nudity, scenes of defecation, crude language, graphic gynecological exams and a gruesome water birth scene. The USCCB Office for Film & Broadcasting classification is O -- morally offensive. The Motion Picture Association of America rating is PG-13 -- parents strongly cautioned. Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13.
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McAleer is a guest reviewer for the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops' Office for Film & Broadcasting. More reviews are available online at www.usccb.org/movies.

Furry Vengeance

By John Mulderig

Catholic News Service

NEW YORK (CNS) -- It's fairly obvious that the painfully flat comedy "Furry Vengeance" (Summit) -- which sees a cohort of woodland creatures conspiring to halt an unwelcome new housing development -- is intended to be a kid-friendly invitation to ecological sensitivity.

But director Roger Kumble's frequently distasteful romp registers as more juvenile than sprightly, while the film's underlying themes -- which also include the priority of family life over career advancement -- though honorable, are driven home far too ham-handedly.

The main target of the animals' concerted wrath is Chicago-based construction supervisor Dan Sanders (Brendan Fraser). At the bidding of his scheming boss Neal Lyman (Ken Jeong), Dan has moved to the wilds of Oregon -- bringing along his unwillingly uprooted wife Tammy (Brooke Shields) and teen son Tyler (Matt Prokop) -- to oversee the building of a subdivision he genuinely, though naively, believes will be environmentally responsible.

With their pristine habitat under siege, the local critters unleash a torrent of torments on Dan that range from repeated skunk attacks to an onslaught by the group's raccoon ringleader during which the organizationally gifted varmint urinates in Dan's mouth. So when Dan eventually seeks shelter from a rampaging bear in his workers' Port-o-Potty, it's not hard to guess what will happen next.

A subplot focusing on Tyler's budding relationship with inconveniently green-conscious small-town girl Amber (Skyler Samuels) is remarkably restrained by current screen standards, since Michael Carnes and Josh Gilbert's script portrays the pair's first kiss as a major undertaking, not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly.

But the writing reverts to form as Dan emerges from a nearby swamp into which his anthropomorphized adversaries have succeeded in making him drive his SUV to announce to Tammy, Tyler and Amber that a leech has attached itself to his "no-no zone."

Patches of dialogue designed to make more serious points, charting Dan's gradual conversion from materialist to naturalist and from careerist to caring father, also land with a resounding thud. Thus, when Dan explains to Tammy that he's so focused on his work only because he wants to be able to give her and Tyler everything, she replies -- all too predictably -- "We don't want everything; we just want you."

The film contains much scatological humor and some comic violence. The USCCB Office for Film & Broadcasting classification is A-II -- adults and adolescents. The Motion Picture Association of America rating is PG -- parental guidance suggested. Some material may not be suitable for children.
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Mulderig is on the staff of the Office for Film & Broadcasting of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. More reviews are available online at www.usccb.org/movies.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

By John Mulderig

Catholic News Service

NEW YORK (CNS) -- What the world needs now, to paraphrase an old song, is a reboot of the 1980s slasher franchise A Nightmare on Elm Street (Warner Bros.). Well, no, not really.

Ex-janitor-turned-crazed-killer Freddy Krueger (formerly Robert Englund, now Jackie Earle Haley) and his famously fatal fingers return to prey on the dreams -- and, darn it, the real lives -- of a new generation of small-town teens, including diner waitress and would-be artist Nancy (Rooney Mara), jittery emo boy Quentin (Kyle Gallner), cheerleader-type Kris (Katie Cassidy) and her brooding boyfriend Dean (Kellan Lutz).

The sexual content of this latest entry in a relentlessly objectionable series of horror outings -- dating from Wes Craven's 1984 original -- is relatively restrained, though when Kris asks Dean to spend the night with her to allay her fears of encountering Freddy, it's pretty obvious that this is not the first time the pair have shared a bed. And Wesley Strick and Eric Heisserer's script also deals indirectly, yet cheaply, with the disturbing subject of child molestation.

But the gore quotient -- one character is seen literally swimming in blood -- remains excessive, as veteran music video director Samuel Bayer, in his feature debut, relies on the tried and trite recipe of sending interchangeable insomniacs to a gory doom. Thus we not only witness Freddy's victims being battered, impaled and more or less ripped to shreds, but also hung up as perverse trophies in plasma-soaked, see-through body bags.

In short, it's more than high time for this dehumanizing saga to bid us all -- in the words of another classic number -- "so long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye."

The film contains intense bloody violence; gruesome imagery; a pedophilia theme; an implied nonmarital relationship; a couple uses of profanity; at least a dozen instances of the F-word; and some crude language. The USCCB Office for Film & Broadcasting classification is O -- morally offensive. The Motion Picture Association of America rating is R -- restricted. Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian.

Copyright (c) 2010 Catholic News Service/U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops