BUILDING A CULTURE OF LIFE
By
Mary Deutscher
There is perhaps no more
taboo topic in polite company than abortion. Well, other than euthanasia,
and maybe sex ed. Even though most people feel passionate about these
issues, they remain out of bounds because our disagreements about them
often reveal a lot more about ourselves than we want other people to
know.
Life issues bring up emotions that most people would prefer to leave buried, which leads to a great deal of fear concerning these topics. This fear forces life issues out of what constitutes appropriate public (and sometimes even private) conversation, making it impossible for anyone to fully understand them. If we wish to make any progress in building the culture of life, it will be necessary to break through this fear and to open our hearts and minds to understanding what pushes a person to resort to harming themselves and others. But how can we even begin to address these troubling subjects in a positive, life-affirming way?
I recently took a suicide prevention course as part of my volunteer
training with a distress phone line. My instructors impressed upon me
the importance of asking troubled callers one simple question: Are you
thinking about suicide? This question is important because it opens
communication on a difficult topic and lets the caller know that they
can discuss their feelings and try to work through them. Asking a direct
question could be the difference between helping someone to choose life
and leaving him or her feeling alone, misunderstood and desperate.
Direct questions are just as important when addressing life issues because
these subjects have a profound impact whether or not they are openly
discussed. A 16-year-old girl who realizes she is pregnant has most
likely thought about abortion and, from what I understand, most teenage
boys have a few thoughts about sex rolling around in their brains long
before their fathers’ first nervous words about the birds and
the bees. Everyone considers making a bad choice at some point in his
or her life. Truly fortunate people are those who have a friend who
is willing to help them weigh their options and come to a healthy decision.
The timing of this type of question is vital. If it is asked too soon
or at a time when the person in trouble does not want to discuss it,
it may not be taken seriously. If it is asked too late, the person may
have already cut off the opportunity for dialogue or locked his or her
feelings away, leaving them to resurface at another time. When someone
chooses to phone a suicide distress line, it is not too difficult to
find an appropriate moment to ask him or her about suicide.
However, as any parent will tell you, it is considerably more challenging
to find the right time to discuss a topic like sex with a teenager.
It is important to pace these critical conversations according to the
needs of each person, taking into consideration their unique circumstances.
Asking the big questions is intimidating, not only because of the social
stigma attached to life issues, but also because of the emotionally
charged conversation that will inevitably follow. Opening up this dialogue
does not mean that the person asking the question has all the answers.
In fact, it means quite the opposite.
There is a need to talk about these issues precisely because we do not
have all the answers. It will take many discussions before a topic like
suicide, abortion or sex can even begin to be explored and often providing
a person with help will mean helping them find someone who has experience
dealing with such challenging situations.
It may seem impossible to bring up these topics, especially if we feel
ill-equipped to deal with the consequences. But remember, if you ask
someone if he or she is considering suicide, abortion, or a sexual relationship
that they are not ready for, the worst that can happen is that they
ignore you or laugh at you. On the other hand if you remain silent and
the person was thinking about harming himself or herself in one of these
ways, the damage could be irreparable. In every one of these situations
there is much healing that can be done, but we cannot be afraid to first
examine the wound.
Deutscher recently completed a Master of Arts in Public Ethics degree
at St. Paul University, Ottawa, and worked with the Catholic Organization
for Life and Family.
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