Give
me an uncomfortable church
By
Jim Gerwing
Sometimes I feel as if there
are two Catholic churches. One is the church of certainty, the second
is full of doubt and uncertainty.
As I witness the struggles
of the church of certainty, which I see as the church of the establishment,
I see a panicky search for damage control. The rash of accusations of
abuse have tested the faith of many of the people in the pews. Those
whom we considered the pillars of the church have become suspect, maybe
not even completely truthful.
It felt comfortable to be
a member of the church of certainty in which I was brought up. The church
had the answers to everything, and when we were uncertain about something
we could go to the priest to get straightened out. As I grow old, I
have found myself in the second church, a church that dwells in uncertainty,
in darkness, often wandering in arid deserts and frightening wastelands.
Contrary to my expectations,
I am finding the second more comforting. I like the aspects of search
and the struggle to find God’s voice. I find absolute certainty
oppressive. I have come to believe that our grasp of the truth is elusive,
imperfect, ever open to new insights, never settled forever.
Give me the church of sinners,
of seekers, of doubters, of the weak, the frail, the imperfect, of those
who are not afraid to rail at God for being distant, of those who have
no answers. That church is real and alive with the power of the Spirit
of God who does wonders in chaos, whose creative energy enters the empty
places in our hearts, sometimes sweetly, sometimes with devastating
intensity.
Give me the Spirit of Jesus
Christ which rises with impatience at the misuse of power, with anger
at injustice practiced under cover of law, with healing for those who
mourn and cry out for relief, with forgiveness for those who sincerely
strive for a change of heart.
I no longer look for an ideal
church. I seek a church that is humble of heart, that is suffering,
that earnestly longs for the realization of the inclusive community
of Christ where all are welcome and valued equally. A church that knows
that on this earth there are no final answers, and it’s OK to
struggle with that reality.
Will the Catholic Church
come out of the present difficulties unscathed? Certainly not. But when
it does experience a rebirth, it will bear the scars, just like the
Christ whose wounds the apostle Thomas demanded to see and touch as
proof that he was indeed the crucified Christ now alive again.
I believe it is critical
for the welfare of the church that the laity stop thinking that all
they need do is to hang in there and let the hierarchy sort everything
out. The time is long over to just pray, pay and obey. Time to pray,
yes, but then we need to get off our knees, roll up our sleeves and
get to work on solutions which our bishops seem unable to find on their
own.
A former monk and teacher, Gerwing was a longtime contributor to the Prairie Messenger. He now writes for Island Catholic News in Victoria.
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