Forgiveness
lights the path through grief
By Blake Sittler
SASKATOON — The power
of forgiveness was the message delivered at a Catholic Family Services
fundraising luncheon June 10 in Saskatoon.
Graham
Snyder, father of NHL player Dan Snyder, spoke about his family’s
journey of forgiveness after his son, NHL player Dan Snyder, was killed
in a car accident in October 2003.
Dan Snyder was 25 years old
and playing centre for the Atlanta Thrashers when he was critically
injured as the lone passenger in a car driven by teammate Dany Heatley.
“I’m not here
to relive that awful tragedy today,” Snyder began. “Suffice
it to say we lived a parent’s worst nightmare.”
Heatley eventually pleaded
guilty to a number of charges, including second-degree vehicular homicide
and speeding. His sentence included fines and community service, and
delivering 150 speeches to schools and community groups over three years.
After the accident, the District
Attorney encouraged the family to push for jail time as a deterrent
to other reckless drivers.
“We had a choice to
make,” said Snyder. “Do we lash out at the driver? Do we
seek revenge on the guilty party? Do we forever weep for our losses?
The answer to all three of these is, ‘No.’ ”
The Snyder family chose forgiveness.
Even at the funeral, Dan’s
brother Jake was able to offer forgiveness and assistance. Snyder quoted
his son’s words: “Friends look out for friends, no matter
how tough the circumstances. But if you’re a friend of Dan’s
then you’re a friend of mine. I’ll do anything I can do
to help you.”
The Snyder family immediately
started receiving emails, cards and messages supporting them for choosing
forgiveness and mercy over revenge and anger.
When asked how he was able
to forgive the man resposible for his son’s death, Snyder said
that he had learned that “the blessing of forgiveness” is
the realization that “we don’t get through life alone.”
Forgiveness is life changing,
Snyder said. “Once you have experienced the freedom of letting
go of anger and vengeance, you are free to live a more positive life.”
He described how the Dan
Snyder Memorial Foundation was founded to assist young athletes in the
pursuit of their goals, as well as helping in the construction of a
multi-use recreational centre in Dan’s hometown of Elmira, Ont.
During the 2006-07 hockey
season, Graham Snyder and his wife LuAnn visited every one of the 38
NHL cities to say thank you for the support they received from the hockey
community and raise awareness about a number of charities supported
by NHL players.
Snyder said he often spoke
with Dan about his career and how he could choose his response to tough
situations. He pointed to Sami Jo Small, the 2006 Canadian Olympic goalie,
on her character after another goaltender was chosen to start in the
gold medal game. Small encouraged her teammate and supported her coaches.
“We don’t always
get to decide what role we play but we do get to decide how we play
it,” Snyder quoted Small.
Snyder now speaks across
North America about the connection between family health and forgiveness.
Catholic Family Services
executive director Trish St. Onge thanked Snyder for his message and
noted the parallels between the work Snyder is doing and the work Catholic
Family Services offers.
“Much of the work we do at CFS involves the capacity to forgive,” said St. Onge. “You were able to recognize that forgiveness would help with your grief.”
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